Jesus Take The Wheel…It’s one of my little sisters favorite sayings whenever someone says something crazy or if the kids are being a little chaotic and driving her nuts. π To her it’s a way of asking God to bring some clarity or peace, but also a bit silly, cuz it’s a country song by Carrie Underwood.
I don’t think I’ve ever used those words with any type of seriousness. I’ve always been quite content with steering my own life. My own car. I’ve always found my own “peace.” Made my own way. Kept y kids from chos on my own…I control every aspect of my life and the lives around me.
I’m beginning to see that type of behavior leaves me exhausted, irritated, and alone.
It leaves me exhausted because I run around doing everything, all the time. No rest. No real sleep. No real peace. Everything has to be done my way, so I don’t ask for help. Then what I’ve done I question whether or not it will be up to other peoples standards, so I redo whatever I’ve already done. It’s a neverending vicious cycle. A merry-go-round that is spinning to fast to get off of.
I work and work and work and then I find myself irritated for working so hard and nobody helps me. Not that I’d let them do anything if they asked, but I find it easy to be mad over my expectations of what they SHOULD be doing. For example, my family cleans on Saturday mornings. We have done that for a long time, but no kid wants to spend their Saturday morning cleaning their room, so I have to “nag” until they get it done. Now, in my mind I know they’re kids and they don’t want to clean, but my expection for them in my brain says they should WANT to live in a clean home. Boom, irritation sets in and usually ruins our Saturday.
Before I realize it, I’m alone. I’ve either argued or nagged or controlled them until they either avoid me or resent me. I attempt to “help” the adults in my life with advice they’ve not asked for, so much so that I’ve been labelled a bully and bossy. In my heart, I mean well, but I push and push and push them away.
i know I do this controlling because I’m afraid of anyone else having control over me. I’ve lived the wild side, I know that ride all too well…I wonder if that is also why I tend to be a buttoned up, things are either black or white kind of person.
I’ve said all of this to say, it’s time to make some changes in my life. It’s time to trust in God. To allow him to work in my life and in my mind. To be set free of all that I fear and all that I worry about day after day. I’m quite positive I cannot do it alone. Only God knows why I have the brain I have, surely it is for His glory although I don’t see how it could possibly be helpful…He doesn’t make mistakes.<3
Father God:
Thank you for this morning of revelation. Thank you for granting me the ability to talk with you and figure out my issues and helping me to grow into the woman you created me to be. I don’t have it all figured out Lord and usually that is a scary place for me, but maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I need to take a few baby steps into the unknown and just be. Maybe I need to sit back, shut up, ad hang on.
Father, my life is yours to steer. Help me to no be fearful of what I don’t know and don’t control. Help me to ask for help when I need it, even if it’s not up to my usual standards or it’s done differently from how I’d do it. Help me to be more patient and show grace towards others. Help me to not have expectations for other people and their lives.
In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen. β€