Devotional – Exodus 4:10

Today’s devotional was about insecurities and about doubting God.

The verse was Exodus 4:10

“Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

In this verse, God had called upon Moses to speak to the Pharoah about letting the Israelites out of Egypt. Instead of Moses leaning on, trusting, and having faith in the Creator, he doubted.

Insecurities can be a good thing if they call you to move and change. Left unchecked insecurities can cripple you and leave you paralyzed.

I know how insecurities can paralyze. I spent years and years thinking I wasn’t good enough. I let others treat me badly because I was insecure in myself.

The so called “pretty girls” intimidated me because their world of fashion and style was completely foreign to me. I’m a country girl at heart. I love fishing, hunting, and being outdoors. I never cared much about makeup or designer clothes, so when I would have to converse with women in fancy clothes and high dollar shoes it would make me feel small, uncomfortable, and downright clumsy with nervousness.

It’s nothing that those women did intentionally. It was my own issue. My own insecurity. The evil one spilled lies to my heart that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t pretty enough. I wasn’t thin enough to be around women like that. Now I know better! ❤

In God’s Love I’m learning that He doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Sure, life can be uncomfortable, but my God promises to carry me if I’m too weak to walk on my own.

God believed in me before I was conceived. He made me. Everyday of my life he is molding me closer and closer to the person He has always intended me to be!

What a thought, right? He must love me very much to take so much time and effort to make me who He thinks I should be. I wasn’t an accidental experiment. He made me exactly how He wants me. God does not make mistakes. Every thought and motion is deliberate!

So, in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t matter what others think. It doesn’t matter how I feel. What matters is what God feels and he loves me through and through.

Dear Heavenly Father: Help me to see myself as You see me! I am but a human, I struggle and fall short. Help me Lord to not doubt you, but to always trust in You. Help me Lord to keep my eyes on You and care only about what You think of me, instead of what others think of me. In Jesus name, Amen!

 

 

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Everyday Happy: Pajamas & Crazy Socks

This everyday happy segment is supposed to spot light whatever makes us happy each day. Some posts will be serious and deeply meaningful, but today I’m happy for p.j.’s and crazy socks! 🙂

On days like this, muggy and drizzling rain, and just not feeling like getting out of bed I love to just lounge around in my pajamas and socks. My hair is up in a bun on top of my head. Sitting “Indian style” on my bed, typing away.

I guess this is probably when I am most comfortable. When I’m in my own little area. Writing/reading/crafting whatever makes me smile/laugh/cry. I’m the type of person that loves lots of quiet/alone time (chaos/commotion makes me batty!), which let’s be honest, I have 3 kids so that doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s glorious! ❤

I love my lounging attire because I can just be me. No impressing. No putting on a face to show the world. It’s just me and my p.j.’s and my socks that fit me, whether I’ve gained or lost that same 5 lbs.

Learning About God’s Love

peach_rose1As a child I went to church with my grandparents. My grandmother went to Church of Christ and my granddaddy was a deacon at the local Assembly of God. Each of them taught Sunday school, but they were two totally different types of churches.

I was baptized in a Calvary Baptist church when I was a teenager, then my daddy passed away and I haven’t been back since. That is nearly 20 years.

I’ve always known that God existed, but I wouldn’t have called myself a Christian. In fact, I still don’t. To me, I haven’t earned that right yet, but I’m working on it. For now, I’m a believer/lover in Christ, but not yet educated enough to be a Christian. I’m not sure if that makes sense to you, but for now it’s where I’m at.

Since I’ve gotten older I’ve felt a craving or a yearning to know God more. I’m just starting my journey to the Almighty, but I’m thirsty to know more.

I think losing my daddy was the biggest reason for me leaving the church. I was a teenager when he passed and I was just so angry. I’m not sure if I was ever angry at God, but definitely confused, hurt, and afraid.

I spent a whole lot of years just angry at the world. Roaming around. I felt like I couldn’t breathe if I sat still too long and so I just kept running. I ran from the people that loved me the most, friends and family. I ran away from every responsibility I had. I ran away from what I knew was right.

I ran from God and hid.

I hid in drugs. I hid in alcohol. I hid in fake friends. I hid in partying, but most of all, I hid in anger and frustration and denial. Self-loathing. Misery. Destruction.

It took me YEARS to fight my way back to myself. When I finally did get clean, I was full of guilt and shame for what I had put my friends and family through for so long.

I thought, ”

How can anyone ever forgive me when I can’t forgive myself?

I thought I wasn’t deserving of forgiveness. I felt that I would never be able to hold my head up and look anyone in the eyes again. I felt beat down. I felt broken. I felt alone.

Through scripture I learned that you cannot do anything to earn God’s love. It’s given freely, unconditionally, and without us being deserving of it in the first place! That one realization changed everything! A everlasting spark lit me up on the inside! I remember the first time I read that…I was blown away! I cried! I smiled! I sighed a great sigh of relief!

I remember the prayer right after thanking Him for loving me although I was a simple flawed human that made mistake after mistake for YEARS!

I still make mistakes. I still struggle. I still fall short and disappoint my Father, but I know with all my heart that I will never be beaten down, broken, or alone again. I know God’s love.

My God is fierce.
My God is Almighty.
My God loves me, unconditionally.

A Prayer For My Kids

 

Dear Lord, 

I love the kids you’ve blessed me with raising. Each one has their very own personality, likes & dislikes. Each one has their very own way of doing things. So different, yet so much alike.

Father help me to be the best type of mother for them. A mother that is patient with them when it seems that they will go on forever telling that *SAME* story all over again. Help me Lord to see YOUR forgiveness of me in their eyes when they have done something they shouldn’t have. Help me Lord to lift them up in LOVE and not talk from a place of anger. Help me to see that they are still babies and even after that, human. 

Although these 3 beauties aren’t from my body they are from my heart. Help me Lord to remind them each and everyday that they are loved beyond measure. Lord help them to see that although I’m not the mother that birthed them they will always have a home, wherever I am. Father help to open their hearts and realize that no matter what they’ve done their parents will always love them.

The world is a scary place. Protect my children from those that wish to do them harm; whether that is family or friends. Help me teach them Lord that they should only look to you for approval. I know that they will be tempted to go astray, but right their path Lord.

I know there will be times that I let them down or disapoint them. I am human and make mistakes daily. I’m not here to be their friend, but to raise them up according to your will. I’m here to make sure they bloom and grow into the little people I can already see on the inside. 

Thank you Lord for your grace. Your master plan. Your beautiful gift of forgiveness. Please keep my kids safe and watch over them each time they leave my sight. 

In Jesus Name,

Amen!

Everyday Happy: Being A Mom

My kids were “inherited” or at least that’s how I explain it to people that don’t know us.

My husband and I met and dated when we were teenagers. That was nearly 20 years ago. Then life happened and we both met, married, and then divorced. During this time my husband was blessed with 3 kids. Currently they are: 8, 12, & 14

Being a fulltime step mom to 3 VERY different kids is a tough job. Step moms don’t always get the best kind of reputation, but I’ve hung in there. Refused to give up on them although there were moments when I thought of running for the door. We’ve weathered the worst of storms together. Now, we are a family. A very close family I might add, even though the devil hasn’t given up completely with his shenanigans.

No matter what I’m their mom and they ARE mine! You probably won’t ever hear me utter the word step mom again. It’s nothing personally against their birth mom, I don’t mind sharing one bit, but I am their mom too…not a step.

I guess I always wanted to be a mom, have children of my own, but I am glad that God had a better plan for my life. These kids needed a woman in their lives to love them as a mother does. As I said before, it hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve become stronger through it all.

My favorite times are when we are all being silly together. Listening to them laugh. Watching them smile. Playing a game of Monopoly for the millionth time because it’s Turtles favorite board game. Listening to Zane talk about getting older, girls, and sports. Tucking Emma in each night and saying prayers. To me, these are the most important parts of being a mom. These things are the things that make me a happy mama!

It’s Time To Bloom & Grow

 

For a long time now I’ve been after myself to start new. To try to create new habits. To work on a healthier and happier me. To BLOOM & GROW!

I’ve always made excuses. I’ve put it off. I’ve become the Queen Of Procrastination…& now the time has come for me to make some big changes.

A lot of the time I’m the type of person that puts every one else first. As a fulltime hands on (step)mom of 3 and a wife to a very outdoorsy/outgoing guy, I usually put myself on the back burner. Not on purpose, but because of all the hustle around the house there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. (Which is WHY I’m beginning this blog at nearly midnight…I rest my case! lol)

This change isn’t because of New Year nostalgia. I’ve been preparing for this for a long time. I guess it’s God pushing me to bloom and grow, for Him, for myself, and for my family. Stay tuned!