Tag: Forgiveness

Learning About God’s Love

peach_rose1As a child I went to church with my grandparents. My grandmother went to Church of Christ and my granddaddy was a deacon at the local Assembly of God. Each of them taught Sunday school, but they were two totally different types of churches.

I was baptized in a Calvary Baptist church when I was a teenager, then my daddy passed away and I haven’t been back since. That is nearly 20 years.

I’ve always known that God existed, but I wouldn’t have called myself a Christian. In fact, I still don’t. To me, I haven’t earned that right yet, but I’m working on it. For now, I’m a believer/lover in Christ, but not yet educated enough to be a Christian. I’m not sure if that makes sense to you, but for now it’s where I’m at.

Since I’ve gotten older I’ve felt a craving or a yearning to know God more. I’m just starting my journey to the Almighty, but I’m thirsty to know more.

I think losing my daddy was the biggest reason for me leaving the church. I was a teenager when he passed and I was just so angry. I’m not sure if I was ever angry at God, but definitely confused, hurt, and afraid.

I spent a whole lot of years just angry at the world. Roaming around. I felt like I couldn’t breathe if I sat still too long and so I just kept running. I ran from the people that loved me the most, friends and family. I ran away from every responsibility I had. I ran away from what I knew was right.

I ran from God and hid.

I hid in drugs. I hid in alcohol. I hid in fake friends. I hid in partying, but most of all, I hid in anger and frustration and denial. Self-loathing. Misery. Destruction.

It took me YEARS to fight my way back to myself. When I finally did get clean, I was full of guilt and shame for what I had put my friends and family through for so long.

I thought, ”

How can anyone ever forgive me when I can’t forgive myself?

I thought I wasn’t deserving of forgiveness. I felt that I would never be able to hold my head up and look anyone in the eyes again. I felt beat down. I felt broken. I felt alone.

Through scripture I learned that you cannot do anything to earn God’s love. It’s given freely, unconditionally, and without us being deserving of it in the first place! That one realization changed everything! A everlasting spark lit me up on the inside! I remember the first time I read that…I was blown away! I cried! I smiled! I sighed a great sigh of relief!

I remember the prayer right after thanking Him for loving me although I was a simple flawed human that made mistake after mistake for YEARS!

I still make mistakes. I still struggle. I still fall short and disappoint my Father, but I know with all my heart that I will never be beaten down, broken, or alone again. I know God’s love.

My God is fierce.
My God is Almighty.
My God loves me, unconditionally.

A Prayer For My Kids

 

Dear Lord, 

I love the kids you’ve blessed me with raising. Each one has their very own personality, likes & dislikes. Each one has their very own way of doing things. So different, yet so much alike.

Father help me to be the best type of mother for them. A mother that is patient with them when it seems that they will go on forever telling that *SAME* story all over again. Help me Lord to see YOUR forgiveness of me in their eyes when they have done something they shouldn’t have. Help me Lord to lift them up in LOVE and not talk from a place of anger. Help me to see that they are still babies and even after that, human. 

Although these 3 beauties aren’t from my body they are from my heart. Help me Lord to remind them each and everyday that they are loved beyond measure. Lord help them to see that although I’m not the mother that birthed them they will always have a home, wherever I am. Father help to open their hearts and realize that no matter what they’ve done their parents will always love them.

The world is a scary place. Protect my children from those that wish to do them harm; whether that is family or friends. Help me teach them Lord that they should only look to you for approval. I know that they will be tempted to go astray, but right their path Lord.

I know there will be times that I let them down or disapoint them. I am human and make mistakes daily. I’m not here to be their friend, but to raise them up according to your will. I’m here to make sure they bloom and grow into the little people I can already see on the inside. 

Thank you Lord for your grace. Your master plan. Your beautiful gift of forgiveness. Please keep my kids safe and watch over them each time they leave my sight. 

In Jesus Name,

Amen!